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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm having major g/f troubles right now. I love her to death, but she needs to grow up. I've caught her lying to me twice now, and my trust in her has been pretty severely damaged by it. I don't want to break up with her, but I'm starting to think there isn't another option. What should I do? Give her one last chance, or just end it?



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Right Wing Zealot
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Re: What should I do?

If you can't believe em', you better leave em'. Unless there is some valid reason for lying to you over something simple....
 
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Re: What should I do?

With the ratio, I would not spend too much time contemplating.
But then again only you know what you need and want.
jmo
loadit
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Re: What should I do?

I don't want to loose her. I haven't loved anyone this strongly for (literally) years. I'm just don't want to get hurt again.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Re: What should I do?

brier-49 said:
zulu you're just a kid, dump here.


Calling me a kid is asking for a punch in the face. I didn't spend a year of my life in a foreign country in the middle of a war zone to come home to be called a kid.
 

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Right Wing Zealot
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Re: What should I do?


Can you find one of these? Guess not in Wisconsin anyway.
 

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Re: What should I do?

Zulu7 said:
brier-49 said:
zulu you're just a kid, dump here.


Calling me a kid is asking for a punch in the face. I didn't spend a year of my life in a foreign country in the middle of a war zone to come home to be called a kid.
Not speaking for him, but I imagine he was making reference to you being young and having your whole life ahead of you. Lighten up a bit.
 

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Re: What should I do?

It's hard to swallow that someone you care so much about has violated the absolute one thing that makes you one- trust. While none of us know all the things going on in your relationship, I think some of us older "kids" can definetly tell you that once the lies start- they don't end. Right now you need to think about you. To thine own self be true. If you can' t be true to yourself, nobody can or will. I would suggest dumping her and who knows, if you are a great guy and she really cares, she'll be back. And then you can sit down and have a chat about what you won't tolerate, like telling lies. Maybe a little apart is just what both of you need to figure out if this is for real or just another passing thing.
 
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Re: What should I do?

SatanzBountyHunter said:

Can you find one of these? Guess not in Wisconsin anyway.
Now she would make for a nice weekend at Holiday-Inn,but Monday she goes home. :i:
 

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Iron Maiden
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Re: What should I do?

Well Jake, this is very dependent on what she lied about. Was it something trivial, or was it something to do with the relationship? If it's about the relationship, and it interferes with how you see yourself in that relationship, you need to sit down with her and tell her how it is undermining your feelings.

Another thing to take into account is the fact that you are a man. Having been in the military, and fighting in a war zone will mature you in a way that puts you in a different frame of mind. It is hard for most girls of that age to grow up the way that you have had to do.

Trust is a big thing in a relationship. You have to ask yourself if you can go on with those doubts in your head? Most of the time mistrust will eat a hole on the inside, and make you feel like crap........ then it's better to just move on.

Sorry you're going through this, Honey....... good luck! ;)
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Re: What should I do?

SheNine said:
Well Jake, this is very dependent on what she lied about. Was it something trivial, or was it something to do with the relationship? If it's about the relationship, and it interferes with how you see yourself in that relationship, you need to sit down with her and tell her how it is undermining your feelings.

Another thing to take into account is the fact that you are a man. Having been in the military, and fighting in a war zone will mature you in a way that puts you in a different frame of mind. It is hard for most girls of that age to grow up the way that you have had to do.

Trust is a big thing in a relationship. You have to ask yourself if you can go on with those doubts in your head? Most of the time mistrust will eat a hole on the inside, and make you feel like crap........ then it's better to just move on.

Sorry you're going through this, Honey....... good luck! ;)

She9, you're the one I actually wanted to hear from. She lied to me about time that she spent by herself. The first time, she went bowling and then to a movie with another one of her friends, and that one has been 100% confirmed. The other one I'm still waiting to confirm, but according to what I heard, she went to a football game Friday night after giving me the excuse that her back hurt and she was too tired to go to a movie with me. One of the guys that's in my program at school said that he thought he saw her there, but I have yet to prove that one.

They're not super big things, but the point is that she lied. I have yet to confront her about my concerns, but I've asked her to tell me what's going on.

Now that I've thought about it, this might be her defense mechanism because of how the last couple guys in her life have treated her like crap and were only with her to get into her pants. She has denied this outright, but I don't think she's thought about it as much as I have over the last 48 hours.

BTW, I have absolutly zero intention of being like that to her.
 

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Iron Maiden
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Re: What should I do?

I would seriously suggest you sit down with her and tell her how you feel about her lying to you. I know that most of the guys are probably rolling their eyes right now and shouting at their monitors "Dump her", but I'm a very strong advocate of communication. It has seen me through 20+ years of happiness, and knowing what is going on with the other person will make it a lot easier for you to assess the situation. If after discussing it, you still feel that she is not being totally honest, maybe you should think about moving on....... It takes two committed bodies to make a relationship!

BTW: How old is she??? Feel free to PM me if you want! ;) I might not be able to answer you this evening, but I'll get back to you tomorrow.
 
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Re: What should I do?

If she is lying so she can go out with her friends I have one question for you... do you give her a hard time when she goes out with her friends? She might feel that you are not giving her enough space or freedom. Or you might be the jealous type and she thinks that you might assume something that isn't true.

I do not know how old you are but from the previous post I would say that you are pretty young compared to most people who would visit a site like this. It might just be a case where you grew up a great deal faster than she did.

You need to find the root cause of the issue and correct it NOW. I don't believe that just dumping her because of a lie or three is necessary, but you need to find out why she is lying, what to change to get her to stop lying (could be on your end, could be on her end, could be on both of your ends), etc.

Either way, good luck with the girl...

Oh, and thanks for being willing to serve this country. :-B-: Take the kid comment with a grain of salt, I would imagine it is due to your age and not what they perceive your maturity level to be.
 

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Re: What should I do?

Im going with shenine. The sit down and talk is the only way you get to pour out and be a man about it.



I might loose the whole man card here but...... Being honest is a big key to a relationship. Sit down talk to her.


Dont do the stupid thing and give up just yet. Figure it out and go from there.



To be continued....... Let us know!
 
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Re: What should I do?

Travis said:
I might loose the whole man card here but...... Being honest is a big key to a relationship. Sit down talk to her.
Didn't you lose your man card in the "Do you clean your own guns" thread? :mrgreen:

Buts yes, being honest and talking is the only way to go.
 

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Harley Dude
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Re: What should I do?

SheNine said:
I would seriously suggest you sit down with her and tell her how you feel about her lying to you. I know that most of the guys are probably rolling their eyes right now and shouting at their monitors "Dump her", but I'm a very strong advocate of communication. It has seen me through 20+ years of happiness, and knowing what is going on with the other person will make it a lot easier for you to assess the situation. If after discussing it, you still feel that she is not being totally honest, maybe you should think about moving on....... It takes two committed bodies to make a relationship!

BTW: How old is she??? Feel free to PM me if you want! ;) I might not be able to answer you this evening, but I'll get back to you tomorrow.

Jake, I too agree with Shenine's advice.

My years of wisdom has taught me not to jump to conclusions and to realize that 90% of what we assume is wrong! Its good to give things time to sort themselves out. Just try to relax and go with the flow. Your friend will always reveal her true self to you within a few weeks or months.

She may have good solid reasons for doing what she did. So back away a bit if you can and let her come to you on her terms. Its best not to push a relationship too hard in the beginning and to let it mature like a fine wine. Men have a difficult time doing that because they are so excited about a new love and just want to gobble up the whole bowl of ice cream in one sitting.

Go out with the guys, have a few beers and relax. Avoid their advice about any knee jerk response of Dumping her! Relax and let the relationship run its course, if it is meant to be it will weather this bump in the road.

I have learned that I won't die if my heart gets broken! Its painful but I just get through it and say, NEXT!

Good Luck! Be patient, GrassHopper!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Re: What should I do?

sig232 said:
SheNine said:
I would seriously suggest you sit down with her and tell her how you feel about her lying to you. I know that most of the guys are probably rolling their eyes right now and shouting at their monitors "Dump her", but I'm a very strong advocate of communication. It has seen me through 20+ years of happiness, and knowing what is going on with the other person will make it a lot easier for you to assess the situation. If after discussing it, you still feel that she is not being totally honest, maybe you should think about moving on....... It takes two committed bodies to make a relationship!

BTW: How old is she??? Feel free to PM me if you want! ;) I might not be able to answer you this evening, but I'll get back to you tomorrow.

Jake, I too agree with Shenine's advice.

My years of wisdom has taught me not to jump to conclusions and to realize that 90% of what we assume is wrong! Its good to give things time to sort themselves out. Just try to relax and go with the flow. Your friend will always reveal her true self to you within a few weeks or months.

She may have good solid reasons for doing what she did. So back away a bit if you can and let her come to you on her terms. Its best not to push a relationship too hard in the beginning and to let it mature like a fine wine. Men have a difficult time doing that because they are so excited about a new love and just want to gobble up the whole bowl of ice cream in one sitting.

Go out with the guys, have a few beers and relax. Avoid their advice about any knee jerk response of Dumping her! Relax and let the relationship run its course, if it is meant to be it will weather this bump in the road.

I have learned that I won't die if my heart gets broken! Its painful but I just get through it and say, NEXT!

Good Luck! Be patient, GrassHopper!!

Update: We're on talking terms again. She didn't lie to me about Friday night, that much I know is true. We agreed to take a break from dating for a while. Things are really stressful for her right now. She's looking for an apartment, and is dropping out of our program at school and taking general courses while she tries to figure out what she wants to do with her life.

I asked her to tell me when I start pushing her too much. I hope we get back together officially, but I'm not holding my breath for it. That doesn't mean I'm going to start dating someone else. I still love her with every ounce of my heart and soul.
 
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