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My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.
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Marriage is a three-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
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For Sale :
Wedding dress, size 8.
Worn once by mistake.
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There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.
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Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but
when they go, they take your house and car.
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I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into
the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come
forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would
you like to buy?"
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea.
 
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