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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Q: What did the big snow man say to the little snow man?

A: "You smell carrots?"


(Bear with me on this one. It flows A LOT better when hearing it then when reading it.)

A man walks up to the bar, takes a seat, and orders a beer. Bartender happily greets the man, welcomes him back, and says "This one's on me Jim.". Upon noticing the interaction, Billy, an honest to goodness "Billy-one-better" type, leaves his seat at the end of the bar and sits next to Jim.

"So Jim, how was the fishing trip to Florida?"

"I'm glad to be back, but honestly, it was great Billy. An entire week of now work, no children, no wife and nothing but my fishing poles and boat."

"So do tell, how'd you do?"

"I did great Billy. After 5 years of going down there for vacation I finally caught a 14 plus pound large-mouth bass. Did you know that down there a lot of the locals called them 'Black Bass,' and not large mouth?"

Ole Billy, in his usual way, "Of course I did Jim. Heck, everyone smart as a B-B knows that!" But a 14 pounder huh? How'd you catch him? Live bait? Lure? What?"

Deciding to mess with ole one better, Jim and the barternder share "the look," and then Jim starts in.

"Billy, it was a HER, not a him, but wait till you hear the story." Billy, who is all ears at this point, listens intently. "So it was the last day, and the last time I'd be out on the weater before having to come back. I had noticed a tree fall near the boat landing on previous outings, and so with time running short, I thought I would fish it before having to leave and head home. Now this tree fall was on the edge of the river bank at a bend and it turned out that it was actually holding some fish. After catching two small on only four casts, I then had a fish nearly yank the rod out of my hands!"

"I thought I had a good hook set, but it turned out I didn't. See, as the big fish rolled at the top of the water, I saw the head and entire side of the fish before it defiantly threw the lure back at me with a flick of its massive head. I grabbed my Ugly-Stick, which already had a rubber worm ready to go and on the line. I pitched it right next to the tree fall and watched the line slowly sink. I saw the line twitch a little on the top of the water, then watched it take off up river. This time I yanked hard enough to cross that fish's eyes! I battled her for about 30 seconds before she again came to the top. I could tell it was the same one as she was HUGE! I saw her head and most of her side. I swear she was as big as an old timey snow shoe Billy! But Billy, again, she spit out that hook and was gone."

Billy, byt this time on the edge of his bar stool asked, "Then what did you do Jim?"

"Well Billy, I reached into the live well and found the biggest, wild Florida shiner I had left. I rigged it up and tossed to where I saw the fish top the water for the second time. Nothing. I fished the tree fall again. Nothing. No matter what I did, or what I tried. Nothing. It was getting dark and I had to get back. Yep Billy, that fish weighed exactly 14 pounds and 9 ounces."

Billy, with a puzzled look on his face, "So you stayed an extra day and went out out it got it huh?"

"No. I packed up and came back home." The bartenbder, smiling knowingly, interupts by asking the men if they'd like another round. Then no one says a single word. As Billy is waiting for his beer, you could tell he was in deep thought. Jim and the bartender are beside themselves waiting for the inevitable. After taking a sip of his beer, Billy's face looks like he is trying to figure out the answer to a hard Final Jeopardy question. The silence is deafening for the Jim and the bartender.

Billy breaks the silence by asking, "No hold a minute Jim, let me get this straight. You never landed that big fish?"

Remaining straight faced, Jim says, "Nope, never did."

Billy, indignantly asks, "Okay, okay, then how did you know it weighed exactly 14 pounds and 9 ounces?!!!?

"Easy. It had scales Billy."

(Again, this one needs to be heard and not read, but you'll get the gist.)

Back in 18-00 something, a big, angry looking dog, which obviously had been on the trail for a quite a while, painfully limps into a old wild-west type saloon. The bartender watches the dog carefully limp over to a bar stool, climb into it, and order a whiskey. This old wild west salon bartender has seen just about everything, so he cares not that that this dog wants whiskey.

Bartender says, "Don't believe I've seen ya round here a'for."

The dog shakes his no, adding "Never been here."

The bartender, trying to ease the tension, asks, "So what brings ya to town stranger?"

The dog replies, "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw."


Thanks, do forget to tip the waitresses. I'll be here all week.

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